Company : ONEST
Series : Monster Dolls
Character : Handsome
Year : 2023
Ages : 3 & Up
Model # : ON1396
ASIN # : B0BVFRH9K2
These dirty boys needed A BATH when I got them. It’s almost like they spent a bunch of time kicking around the Amazon warehouse unsold and unloved… Nah, that doesn’t make sense. Who would sleep on these FABULOUS dolls!?
So these are the “Handsomes” from ONEST, and they sure are something. I promise you, no matter how bad and cheap you THINK they feel, they are at least 10 times worse in your hand. Their shoes don’t fit, the clothes feel like they’re going to tear apart in your hands, they all have the same goddamn face mold – AND I LOVE THEM.
The photos on the listing for these dolls are priceless. Stock photos of disappointed/confused children with the dolls awkwardly photoshopped into them. I guess ONEST wanted to set a realistic expectation of what would happen if you slipped one of these under the tree for Christmas. Also, the collage photos? I didn’t mess with those at all, THOSE WERE IN THE LISTING. Like lame-o pop art, they just took photos of random parts of these dolls and slapped them together – marvelous.
This is NOT Deuce, DO NOT SUE. Yes he’s got a head of green snakes, yes he’s a gorgon, but that doesn’t mean he’s Deuce. In fact, it’s a little weird that you saw snakes and just went to Deuce, maybe you should go work on yourself a bit.
Hey, what if Jojo was redesigned and animated by Ruby-Spears? What if the character and costume designs were just God awful trash? Well, behold – I give you the best (worst) of the Handsomes. He’s got a white and black polka dot best over an orange shirt with a pattern (the vest and shirt are all one piece and do not come off separately), yellow and black stripped capris, and of course, the little black church shoes that don’t fit. He’s a disaster. You have to love the scorch mark tattoo on his face – maybe the stencil wasn’t quite on there, maybe his head was too hot when they applied it, maybe God just didn’t like this one, whatever the reason he’s stuck like this now.
Now this guy is VERY cool. You see that skull tank? This is a bad boy. A bad boy in glitter shorts and a perm. At least his tattoo is legit (AND DEFINITELY NOT HOLT’S FROM MONSTER HIGH – DO NOT SUE). I bet he skateboards, or does drugs, you know, something cool.
The Toy Archivist 